Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Dotson Salutes - Hopelessly Misguided Jokes

There goes the neighborhood.


So my Party-lovin', architecture-designing Leo buddy recently moved back to LA the other day and he lent me a comedy CD of probably my favorite comedian of all-time.

His name was Mitch Hedberg. Words can't begin to describe the style of M.H.'s comedy, so it's best to just view the comedy first-hand, like on a YouTube video when M.H. was on The David Letterson show.



(BTW, if y'all ever have trouble watching these videos, try viewing my blog with a different browser, especially one that is not Safari.)

So I'm hiking in the canyon this morning and listening to the M.H. CD and loving life and it dawns on me that in a former lifetime, I was a stand-up comedian myself!

Straight up! I was a stand-up for over 11 months! I won this comedy contest back in Minnesota 7 years ago and everything. But then I stopped doing stand-up because I have to say I just wasn't enjoying myself. And Dotson doesn't like doing stuff he doesn't enjoy.

But recently, I was thinking about doing some stand-up again, but it's not actually "me" who wants to do it, it's my "other" who is known as "The Dotman."

You see, I have Moon in Gemini, which basically means that I am fucked in the head. And if you know about Gemini just a little bit, then you probably know that they are "The Twins" of the zodiac and that they are known for duality.

Now I don't know what a big fancy word like "duality" means, but I do know what the word "dual" means.

A dual is when one dude slaps another dude with a white glove



and then the two dudes put on backwards baseball hats and try to stab each other with bats.



That's a dual. So a dual is like a struggle, right?

Well, Geminis have that struggle going on inside their body. It's an "eternal" struggle, because it's inside and you can't see it.

And I've got one of those eternal struggles myself, between "Me" (AKA "Chris", AKA "Chris Dotson", AKA "Dotson") and "The Dotman."

See "me" Chris is all nice and stuff and from Minnesota and likes cheese and not spending too much when he goes out to eat.

But then there's The Dotman who is just crazy, yo. It was his idea to move to LA in the first place, and he has all these weird thoughts and visions and listens to ABBA CDs and trips little kids. Especially 5 year-olds. The Dotman LOVES tripping 5 year-olds.

And lately The Dotman has been demanding that he be allowed to do comedy. Thing is, The Dotman is NOT FUNNY AT ALL! His comedy is hopelessly misguided.

But the S.O.B. won't shut up. So what I did was a got a mediator to mediate between me and The Dotman

The mediator's name was Doug and he looked like this---




And after seconds and seconds of mediation, Doug said that the Dotman can be allowed to do comedy, but it has to be via a QuickTime Movie, and he can only do one joke a day.

Fine.

But if you choose to watch this video, you will see that even one joke a day from The Dotman is too much.

Check out this video: The Dotmans' Hopelessly Misguided Joke of the Day



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Oy, that was painful. But what can I do? The Dotman won't take 'no' for an answer and Doug says he gets to tell one joke a day. I'll make it through. I think.

And to those of you who can no longer be my friend because of the Dotman's antics, I understand in advance. The universe is constantly changing and nothing stays the same. I mean, heck, I'm going to die someday anyway and it's not like I can take all you adorable, cuddly people with me, so if we need to break off the friendship now, then I can be okay with that. God will provide me new friends anyway. Sure, most of them will probably do drugs and eat their own feces, but a friend's a friend.

Just know that I love all of you and I love maple syrup.


Effin' Dotman!!!! Ruining my friendships and making me hang out with people who eat feces!!!!!


ON THIS GREAT DAY, AUGUST 1, 2007, DOTSON SALUTES THE DOTMAN'S HOPELESSLY MISGUIDED JOKES FOR ALIENATING DOTSON FROM HIS FRIENDS, FOR PISSING PEOPLE OFF WHO DOTSON DOESN'T EVEN KNOW AND WHO WILL NO DOUBT BLAME DOTSON FOR MAKING THE JOKES EVEN THOUGH IT WAS REALLY THE DOTMAN WHO MADE THEM AND IT'S NOT DOTSON'S FAULT THAT HE HAS MOON IN GEMINI AND THEREFORE CAN'T AVOID HAVING AN ETERNAL STRUGGLE OF DUEALITY, BUT WHATEVER.


I wonder what Doug looks like naked...

I wonder if Doug wonders what I look like naked...


Chris Dotson

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