Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Danny Lloyd, aka "The Kid from 'The Shining'"

You know that kid from "The Shining?"

Me too.


His name is Danny Lloyd and when "The Shining" was released in 1980, he looked like this--




Today he looks like this--




And apparently he now teaches biology. (At least, that's according to Former Child Star Central.) It's up in the air as to whether Lloyd teaches biology at a middle school or if he teaches at a college, but the bottom line is that he is DEFINITELY teaching him some biology SOMEWHERE.

Another thing I learned about Danny Lloyd today is that he no longer acts. He also doesn't like to talk about his role in "The Shining", so if you see him at the gym, don't bother him about that.

Lloyd only did one more movie after "The Shining" and then quit acting altogether. He later found his calling in the field of biology and now he's teaching that somewhere to people who want to learn about biology.

Don't get me wrong, I love biology and everything. It's important that we be educated about where countries are and how to locate Mexico on a map, but biology AIN'T ACTING!!!

And since he hasn't been acting, I've been able to sneak up on Danny Lloyd and overtake him in several key celebrity categories.


Here's what I'm talking about:


Number of commercials Dotson has acted in with Chuck Norris: 1
Number of commercials Danny Lloyd has acted in with Chuck Norris: 0

Number of times Dotson has appeared on the soap opera "Days of our Lives": 3
Number of times Danny Lloyd has appeared on the soap opera "Days of our Lives": 0

Number of times Dotson has played a gay comic book collector on "The OC": 1
Number of times Danny Lloyd has played a gay comic book collector on "The OC": 0

Number of times Dotson has worked with Stanley Kubrick: 0 (Thank God! That dude was scary.)
Number of times Danny Lloyd has worked with Stanley Kubrick: 1

Number of apples Dotson has eaten today: 1
Number of apples Danny Lloyd has eaten today: 0 (I'm taking a guess here, but Lloyd doesn't look like an apple eater to me.)


So when you total all that up, you get a final score of Dotson 6, Danny Lloyd 1.


That means that as of right now, I am SIX TIMES a bigger celebrity than Danny Lloyd!!!

And that ain't right! I don't want to live in a world where I'm six times the celebrity Danny Lloyd is. Hell, I don't want to live in a world where I'm FIVE times the celebrity that Danny Lloyd is.


But I WOULD be happy living in a world where I'm THREE times the celebrity that Danny Lloyd is. So that means that Danny has to do one more acting job before I do one to make the score 6 to 2.


God, I hope you're reading this, Danny Lloyd! Come back to Hollywood and just do one more role. It can be a Lifetime movie. Hell, you could play a BIOLOGY TEACHER who sleeps with one of his students or something. Or you don't have to sleep with him, you could actually be one of those "inspiring" teachers like Mr. Holland's Opus or something and they could age you and you could act in all sorts of different eras and decades and they could have the Vietnam War be a part of the movie and there could be hurricanes and you could fly and become a firefighter who is an asset to society and sells women's sweaters.


Think about it, Danny Lloyd.


This country needs you.

I need you.

And Mike Seaver DEFINITELY needs you.




ON THIS GREAT DAY, JANUARY 15, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES DANNY LLOYD FOR HAVING BEEN IN THE MOVIE "THE SHINING" WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE KID, FOR DOING ONE MORE MOVIE BEFORE RETIRING FROM ACTING ALTOGETHER, FOR BEING A BIOLOGY TEACHER NOW AND HELPING PEOPLE LOCATE MEXICO ON A MAP, FOR BEING 1/6 OF THE ACTOR THAT DOTSON IS AND FOR HOPEFULLY COMING OUT OF RETIREMENT TO PLAY EITHER A PERVERTED BIOLOGY TEACHER, OR POTENTIALLY AN INSPIRING BIOLOGY TEACHER SO THAT HE CAN BECOME 1/3 OF THE ACTOR THAT DOTSON IS.


Check out these pants I recently got FOR FREE! And there's nothing wrong with 'em either. They totally work!!




Chris Dotson


Dotman's Jokes

5 comments:

A Taurus Again said...

Nice pants Dotson, where did you get those pants?

Anonymous said...

Biology won't show you where anything is on a map. Geography will, though...

Ralph said...

Hey Anonymous Einstein, that was supposed to be a joke...that you're apparently the only one who didn't get. 9__9

b5b3a0ce-3bff-11e0-ab12-000bcdcb471e said...

Ur a fuckin douche bag queer. Id say being a principal actor in a film with JACK NICHOLSON beats out ur so called acting career lmao what a joke

dingo said...

I enjoyed that story and the ''douche bag''comment was from a 'douche bag'' with respect from Scotland I salut you!

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