Thursday, February 21, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Buying art at a bowling alley.

Once again I woke up this morning and was prepared to have a full-on "depression day," but my Leo architect buddy ruined my plans.

How did he ruin my plans? By texting me at 9:30am and telling me to meet him for yoga at our favorite yoga class.

So I did. I met him there.

And then after yoga I of course felt incredible and was ready to take on the world.

And what do people do when they're ready to take on the world?????

That's right--- THEY BUY BOWLING SHOES!!!




So that's what I did. I went to the bowling alley near my apartment to buy some bowling shoes.

When I walked into the bowling alley, I asked the chick at the counter if they sold bowling shoes and she gave me a look like I had just asked the stupidest question she'd ever heard in her entire life.

I was about to give her the finger, but then this very helpful gentleman came up to me and told me that this particular bowling alley did not have a pro shop and did not sell bowling shoes. Then he recommended another bowling alley about 5 miles away and told me I should try there.

I thanked him for his advice and started to head out, but then he said that he could ask his manager if they could sell me a new pair of shoes. I told him I'd sure appreciate that. He told me if he got the go-ahead from the manager, that the shoes would cost $40. I told him that was about $5 more than I was willing to spend, but if he didn't mind me giving the finger to the chick behind the counter, I'd call it a deal.

He told me he didn't mind me giving the chick behind the counter the finger at all. In fact, he told me HE gives the chick behind the counter the finger ALL THE TIME.

So he and I simultaneously flipped off the chick behind the counter and then the guy went in search of the manager.

While he was looking for the manager, I wandered around the bowling alley and happened upon ANOTHER counter and behind this counter was the greatest piece of art I'd ever seen in my life.

The art looked like this---





MY FUCKING CHRIST!


It was the goddamn motherfucking Karate Kid.


I had to have this thing.


I asked the person at the counter how much it was and she told me it was $40. I said to her, "What, does everything at this place cost $40?" She of course didn't get the joke because she wasn't around when the guy told me that the shoes were also $40. So instead she gave me a look like I had just asked the stupidest question she'd ever heard in her entire life.

Man, what is it with people behind counters????

Lighten up!!!

So anyway, I bought the art, and then the dude came back with a BRAND NEW pair of bowling shoes for me that looked like this---




I had to pay tax on the shoes, but the art was tax-free, so I ended up walking out of the bowling alley having spent the greatest $83.30 of my life.

Once I got outside, though, I remembered that it was very cloudy and the sky was threatening rain. I had walked to the bowling alley and was nearly a mile from my apartment. And there was no way in hell I could let my brand new Karate Kid art get wet and damaged!

So I started walking really fast, but I was walking down a very busy sidewalk, so as I walked fast, I shouted out, "Art coming through!" and I also shouted, "Man on a mission!"

Long story short, I made it home before the rain came. Actually, the rain still hasn't come yet.

But it will.

THE RAIN WILL COME!!!!!!

Just ask John Lemon.





ON THIS GREAT DAY, FEBRUARY 21, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES BUYING ART AT BOWLING ALLEYS BECAUSE THE ART YOU BUY WILL BE OF THE KARATE KID AND IT WILL BE TAX-FREE AND IT WILL BE SAFE FROM THE RAIN BECAUSE YOU WALK HOME REALLY FAST AND SAY "ART COMING THROUGH" AND IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY RAIN AT ALL, SO YOU WERE OKAY THE WHOLE TIME, BUT YOU GOT TO YELL "ART COMING THROUGH," ANYWAY, AND THAT WAS AWESOME. AND YOU ALSO GOT TO BUY BOWLING SHOES AND GIVE SOMEONE THE FINGER.


Think I've got any shot with this chick?




Me, either. But when I saluted '80s Heart the other week I totally forgot to mention the song "What About Love?", so here it is in all it's glory----



(Or you can watch it here.)

Chris Dotson

Dotman is a genius.

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