Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Julie Blume

(EDITOR'S NOTE: In yesterday's blog, I misspelled the name of "Chaim the Lime." I spelled it "HIME the Lime." Should have been "Chaim." But "Chaim" is pronounced "Hime," anyway, so it's kind of like "whatever.")


Do you own any pairs of boxer shorts with a picture of a monkey drinking on them?



No, you don't!!!


Only I do. And I love them! I love my boxer shorts with a picture of a monkey drinking on them!


In fact, they aren't even boxer shorts. They're MONEY and POWER!!!


And with these boxer shorts, I can walk into any bookstore in America and say, "GIVE ME ALL YOUR JULIE BLUME BOOKS," and they give me all their Julie Blume books. It's awesome!!

(I still have to pay for the books and everything, but it's still a pretty cool experience.)


Speaking of Julie Blume, yesterday was her 70th birthday!

YEAH, JULIE BLUME!! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!


Julie Blume looks like this--




She's well-known for having written books that lots of young people read. I never actually read her books, but I remember when we were kids, my sisters LOVED reading Julie Blume books and some of my happiest memories of childhood were watching my sisters reading Julie Blume books.

I could watch my sisters read Julie Blume books for days!


Julie Blume was born in New Jersey in 1938. IN THAT VERY SAME YEAR, a dude named Paul Allaire was born in Massachusetts.

Paul Allaire looks like this--



And even though both Allaire and Blume were born on the east coast of the United States in 1938, their careers went in INCREDIBLY different directions.

Julie Blume of course went on to write children's books, but Paul Allaire was twice CEO of Xerox and didn't write any children's books at all!!!

How could that be? How could two people born in the EXACT SAME YEAR in roughly the same part of the country go on to have such different careers?

Says Blume-- "I've never understood it. But I guess God has a plan for each of us, no matter how mysterious it might seem."

Says Allaire-- "Aliens. I blame aliens."



Allaire went on to add this-- "It's important to me that people know that I sold my body in between the times that I was CEO of Xerox. I was CEO the first time because I did a lot of hard work. But then when I became CEO I just partied a lot and went to strip clubs. Then I got fired. That's when the whole "body selling" thing began. I sold my body a lot. Like all the time. Just lots and lots of penetration involving my body. It was not a good time. But then I went back to Xerox one day and was all like 'Sorry, guys', and they said, 'That's cool,' and they gave me my job back and I could stop selling my body. So I guess my advice to anyone who gets fired from being a CEO is to just apologize right away and not go through the whole selling of your body thing because that can totally be avoided with a little communication."


When I asked Julie Blume if she'd ever sold HER body, she exclaimed, "DUH!!! I WAS BORN IN 1938!!"


Huh! I had no idea that 1938 was known as the year of "body selling." I always thought it was just the year that Hank Sinatra got arrested.




ON THIS GREAT DAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES JULIE BLUME FOR BEING BORN IN 1938, FOR SELLING HER BODY, FOR CRANKING OUT AWESOME KIDS BOOKS THAT ARE FUN TO WATCH YOUR SISTERS READ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP, AND FOR HAVING AN INCREDIBLY DIFFERENT CAREER PATH THAN PAUL ALLAIRE DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEY WERE BOTH BORN IN THE SAME YEAR IN THE SAME REGION OF THE COUNTRY.


MONKEY!!!





Chris Dotson

Dotman Jokes

3 comments:

A! Tar us! said...

Hi Dotson that is a very nice pair of boxer shorts i have a pair of boxer shorts with monkeys driving shriner-type cars but your pair of monkey boxer shorts is more impressive.

Anonymous said...

Dude do you mean Judy Blume?

Chris Dotson Salutes said...

Um... I think you're thinking of Judy Bluth. She was a character on the pilot episode of "Arrested Development" but never appeared on any future episodes.

But no, I don't mean Judy Bluth, so I guess it doesn't really matter anyhow. Happy Holidays!!!