Friday, April 4, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Hiding from Aries

Oy! I was outside today doing errands and it was NUTS! We are SO in Aries right now!

Everywhere I went, people were bumping into one another, and/or having road rage, and I even saw a guy in a car give the finger to someone!!

Aries is loco, dude. Pure, unadulterated loco.

Thank God I'm home now. I've locked the door and I have enough food to get me through the night so that I won't have to leave my apartment until tomorrow. And hopefully tomorrow will be less Arian than it's been today. (But I doubt it will be.)

Also, I owe an apology to every Aries person I've called "easily offended" over the years. You guys are easily offended for a reason. It's because during Aries, everyone acts like complete idiots! No wonder you guys are pissed off all the time. I'm experiencing it first hand! People are just plain dumb during Aries and they do dumb things.

I did something dumb today myself. I bought this pillow at the store and I didn't realize until I got home how ridiculously thin it is. I mean, there is like NO STUFFING in there. It's pretty much completely useless. The only thing you can do with it is put a 400-count pillow sheet over it and take a picture of yourself giving it the finger.



Man, what a PRICK that pillow is!


ON THIS GREAT DAY, APRIL 4, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES HIDING FROM ARIES BECAUSE ARIES IS CRAZY AND WE'RE IN IT FOR A FEW MORE WEEKS STILL SO YOU'LL NEED TO HIDE REALLY GOOD BECAUSE IF YOU GO OUT, YOU'LL BE BUMPING INTO PEOPLE (AND NOT IN THE GOOD WAY) AND PEOPLE WILL GIVE YOU THE FINGER AND THEN YOU'LL BUY A USELESS PILLOW AND YOU'LL GIVE THE PILLOW THE FINGER AND IT'S JUST A VICIOUS CYCLE OF GIVING THE FINGER, BUT OTHERWISE ARIES IS ACTUALLY KIND OF COOL BECAUSE IDEAS GEL IN ARIES AND PEOPLE GET THINGS DONE. IT'S REALLY A CREATIVE TIME!


Speaking of pricks, I love how The Dotman just shoots his mouth off about anything and everything, but then leaves it to ME to read his "fan mail" and clean up his messes.

Apparently one 22-year-old didn't take too kindly to Dotman's rant about Cesar Chavez the other day. Here's what YouTube user "CarolinBomber" wrote to the Dotman---

"Cesar Chavez was the president and founder of the National Farm Workers Association. He fought for better working conditions for Mexican Immigrants so that we can pick your fruits and vegetables you prick. Wouldnt you hate to have a bunch of angry Mexicans handling your fruits and vegetables before you got them in grocery stores, theres no telling what they would do to it, or what part of their body they'd expose them to. Chavez did all the things MLK and Ghandi did, in a sense, he is the Mexican Ghandi, he is our MLK, hes prolly the reason your not out there picking the damn fruits and vegetables yourself. He worked his ass off out in those fields for 30 years, he even fasted for 25 days in 1968 to get those better working conditions for immigrants that pick YOUR FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. Dont you think the late Cesar Chavez deserves to be honored for a day?"

(Of course the most disturbing thing about the letter is when she writes, "theres no telling what they would do to [the fruit,] or what part of their body they'd expose them to." --- She's right. I couldn't imagine eating a green pepper after a farm worker had exposed their filthy elbow to it.)



ELBOWS ARE DISGUSTING!!! KEEP YOUR DAMN, DIRTY ELBOWS AWAY FROM MY GREEN PEPPERS!!


But elbows aside, I wrote a letter back to CarolinBomber on behalf of The Dotman (I tried to get the Dotman to write her back himself, but he of course just said, "Eff her if she can't take a joke!") Here is what I wrote---


hi carolinbomber--

i don't usually reply to emails, but for some reason i felt compelled to put your mind at ease.

please understand, i am a comedian. i know full well who cesar chavez is, what he accomplished, and how many lives he affected in an incredibly positive way.

me making a video and saying "fuck cesar chavez" simply because i couldn't go to the library one day, well, that's about as silly as it can get.

bear in mind, i said it's "silly." i didn't say it was "funny." i realize that comedy is subjective and not everyone will share my same brand of humor. in fact, i'm GLAD not everyone shares my brand of humor because this world would then be a truly odd place. (or at least "odder" than it is now.)

so please, have a good weekend and i might suggest you avoid my videos in the future, because i also have made fun of mlk and gandhi.

thank you for your feedback,
dotman


----Anyway, here's The Dotman's latest joke. And I sure as hell hope CarolinBomber doesn't have a problem with this one--



Chris Dotson

Dotman's Joke of the Day

2 comments:

Diana Brown said...

You are a very silly man and lubs it!
oh, sorry i had a molested vegetable in my mouth. Wait..wait ok I'm done eating it. N E Ways I'm always impressed by a man who knows his astrology and fights with his pillows.

Peace out dahling.

Chris Dotson Salutes said...

I also teach breakdancing to adopted Pakistani children!!!!