I didn't go to an STD Clinic today.
Why would I do that?
STDs are dumb. I don't get STDs. Why would I go there?
Anyway, so I totally didn't go to an STD Clinic today because I totally didn't have a tiny, tiny, miniscule red dot on the tip of my penis.
I don't even HAVE a penis!!!!
So there was no reason for me to go to this free clinic and fill out 2 forms and then be assigned a number (My number was definitely NOT 7!), and it's not like when it was my turn to see the doctor that they called out "NUMBER 7!" instead of my actual name because it's not like they assign you a number for confidentiality purposes.
Then I absolutely did not urinate in a cup (Why would there ever be ANY REASON for me to urinate into a plastic cup with an orange lid????) and I did not then go see a doctor and show him my penis.
ME show my penis to a complete stranger????
What is this, 2006????
And the doctor totally DID NOT tell me that that little red dot was not an STD at all and that I had absolutely nothing to worry about.
And they DID NOT draw blood for good measure to see if I had HIV or some other disease thing and I DO NOT have to go back in a week to get the results of the blood test.
None of that shit happened because I spent the ENTIRE DAY thinking about waffles and massaging a hamster.
ON THIS GREAT DAY, MAY 27, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES NOT GOING TO AN STD CLINIC BECAUSE I TOTALLY HAVE NO BUSINESS GOING TO THOSE PLACES BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE I EVER HAVE SEX AND HOW DISGUSTING IS THAT AND I DON'T URINATE IN CUPS WITH PLASTIC LIDS OR SHOW MY PENIS TO STRANGERS IN A LAB COAT AND I DON'T DO A BLOOD TEST AND RETURN PLACES ONE WEEK LATER AND I THINK ABOUT WAFFLES A LOT AND MASSAGE HAMSTERS AND MASTURBATION!!
Today The Dotman sounds off on the new Indiana Jones Movie.
Even more Dotman jokes.
- Dotson Salutes - Brooks Shields
- Dotson Salutes - Getting Yer Ya-Ya's Out
- Dotson Salutes - Charbroiled Burgers
- Dotson Salutes - Not going to an STD clinic.
- Dotson Salutes - Congratulations, Scorpios!
- Dotson Salutes - Art Theory
- Dotson Salutes John Favreaus
- Dotson Salutes - Banana Bread
- Dotson Salutes - Bernie Adler
- Dotson Salutes - Bud Light Auditions
- Dotson Salutes - 1-866-NO-ATTACKS
- Dotson Salutes - Herbie Lewis & The Nudes
- Dotson Salutes - Bobby Dills
- Dotson Salutes - Steve Woodwind
- Dotson Salutes - Shoghik Schifberg
- Dotson Salutes- "I Support Single Moms" Shirts
- Dotson Salutes - James Fucking Victor
- Dotson Salutes - Toni Morrison
- Dotson Salutes - $32.46 Wastebaskets
- Dotson Salutes - Barbara Taylor Bradford
- Dotson Salutes - Quatro de Mayo
- Dotson Salutes - Sunburn
- Dotson Salutes - Camping
- ▼ May (23)