Monday, June 30, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Brooklyn

Yesterday was to be a full-on kite-flying-picnic day at Prospect Park in Brooklyn.

Prospect Park looks like this---



Man, I sure could have gone for some of that action!

But what happened is that God thought it would be a GREAT IDEA if it were to rain hard and lightning yesterday afternoon. So it did. And the picnic got rained out. ALSO! My Libra friend was supposed to fly to Detroit yesterday on business and his flight couldn't leave due to the weather. So the devastation knew no bounds!

So instead of picnicking and doing waterfalls and whatnot, my Pisces friend and his girlfriend (pictured below) and I went to my Pisces friend's house and kicked it there.



FIRST, we watched "The Presidio" on Blu-Ray DVD!



Then my Pisces friend's roommate and his roommate's girlfriend made us dinner!

This is a picture of my Pisces friend's roommate making dinner in the background and me being excited about dinner in the foreground.

ALSO! Pisces friend's girlfriend made PUDDING!!!!!!!!!

Finally, all of us adjourned to the common room to play poker.

This is what us playing poker looks like---



I walked away up $15.70 on the evening. And when you factor in the $15.70 with the fact that I also got a free dinner and free pudding and free popcorn (I hadn't even mentioned the POPCORN yet,) ALSO I just remembered I got a free sandwich earlier in the day! So when you add all that up, it means that Brooklyn is the place to be for free stuff and poker winnings and so what if it rained because we had an awesome time and God can't prevent me from living my life to the fullest and I was talking to my Libra friend just now and he and I agreed that MySpace is "ass" and that Friendster is "assier."

ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 30, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES BROOKLYN BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH GOD RAINS OUT YOUR PICNIC, THERE'S STILL THINGS TO DO LIKE EAT FREE MEALS AND WATCH "THE PRESIDIO" AND WIN AT POKER AND THAT PUDDING WAS DELICIOUS.


The Dotman continues to broadcast his Jokes of the Day from my Libra friend's bathroom doorway in Brooklyn. I believe today's joke is about Nelson Mandela.






i'm Talkathon

Chris Dotson

Dotman's Jokes

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Chelsea & Broadway

My allergies are killing me! That's why I like living in L.A. I don't get allergies there. But if I go home to Minneapolis or if I go to New York, it's like BAM! I have allergies again. Just like that.

Whatevs. I'm strong. I'll make it through.

Yesterday I met up with my Just-barely Gemini Friend (He was born June 21) and we went to some galleries in the Chelsea area. One of the galleries we went to was called Paul Kasmin Gallery.



My Just-barely Gemini Friend took a picture of some bears in a tree--



We also went to other galleries called Mike Weiss Gallery, Aperture and Shafrazi. There were a couple others, as well, but I didn't write the names down in my cell phone. All the galleries was free. So that was cool. The art cost money, though. And a lot of the art was EXPENSIVE (Much of it costing over $5), so we decided not to buy any.

Later we got burgers at this joint called The Half King. It's co-owned by the dude who wrote "The Perfect Storm," starring George Clooney.

This is a picture of the bathroom from The Half King.



I took this picture because the urinal was pretty high up on the wall. More higher up than urinals usually are! When I got up to it, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get my thing over it without the assistance of a step of some kind. But I did it!

Later Libra friend and I walked around Chelsea and took pictures outside of and inside The Chelsea Hotel. That's where Sid Vicious died.

This is what the outside looks like--



And the inside is like an art gallery in and of itself!!



Then we went to the Fratiron Building.



I thought there would be more frat guys there, but there weren't. Didn't see any, in fact.

After all that jive, it was time to go to our Broadway show. We saw "Spamalot." Allergies were kicking the asses of both me and my Libra friend throughout the show. I had stockpiled a bunch of toilet paper and napkins from The Half King before arriving at the theater and me and Libra friend burned threw it all.



Then when the show was over, my Libra friend and Pisces friend begrudgingly let me walk around Times Square for a bit.





Then we got Vietnamese food.


ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 29, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES CHELSEA AND BROADWAY BECAUSE YOU GET TO GO TO ART GALLERIES FOR FREE AND THEN YOU GO TO HAMBURGER HAMLET AND USE A URINAL THAT'S PRETTY HIGH UP ON THE WALL, BUT YOU'RE ABLE TO URINATE IN IT ANYWAY AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF NOW AND YOU KNOW THAT WHEN IT COMES TO URINALS BEING PRETTY HIGH UP ON THE WALL THAT THEY CAN'T STOP YOU AND YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING.

Also, that i'm Talkathon I acted in is being advertised all over myspace today and I've been getting some pretty weird emails from folks, including an email from Actor/Writer/Comedian/Capricorn Jonathan Mangum.

Here's what Jonathan wrote--

Your name is not Parker you lying ass commercial whore motherfucker.

-Jonathan


It's fun to get fan mail! FUN!


i'm Talkathon

Chris Dotson

Dotman's Joke of the Day

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Dotsons Salutes - Williamsburg

In 1993,I went to a place called Williamsburg with my mom and sisters. It looked like this---



There were all these old dudes with muskets fake fighting and shooting at each other without anyone ever dying and I was like, "Why won't some of these guys die? My mom paid like $160 to get the 4 of us in here and she's a teacher and doesn't have a lot of money, so at the very least one of these old dudes should die."

But nobody ever died and my mother and sisters and I left Williamsburg very disappointed.

But that was 15 years ago!

TODAY, Williamsburg looks like this---



And you don't have to pay ANYTHING to get in. It's free. And you can just walk around and take pictures of things and people pretty much leave you alone and there aren't any muskets.

Here's some more of what Williamsburg looks like today---
(Click on any picture and it will enlarge!!!)






























AND PRINT IT!!!


ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 28, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES WILLIAMSBURG FOR NO LONGER COSTING MONEY TO GET INTO, FOR NOT HAVING A BUNCH OF OLD DUDES WITH MUSKETS RUNNING AROUND, FOR BEING IN NEW YORK INSTEAD OF VIRGINIA NOW AND FOR BEING A NICE PLACE FOR TAKING PICTURES.


They uploaded a new video to the i'm Talkathon site. You can watch it there or you can watch it RIGHT HERE!!!!!



i'm Talkathon

Chris Dotson

Dotman's Jokes

Friday, June 27, 2008

Dotson Salutes - New York

I am totally in New York right now. Have you ever been here? It's AWESOME.



There's all these bridges and water and stuff. And buildings. And there's fire hydrants and narrow streets and subways and things.

I'm staying at my Libra friend's loft. This is a picture of his kitchen and my hair---



Last night he and I visited our Pisces friend at the restaurant where he works. I ordered pho and my friend had a beef salad.

AFTERWARDS!

We shared a few ice cream cookies and a chocolate brownie for dessert.

We totally had a date!

Later the romance continued as he and I walked along the East River, just under the Manhattan Bridge. In fact, we were in a part of town called "DUMBO," which I understand means "Directly Under The Manhattan Bridge Overpass." Or something like that.

I miss Libra Girlfriend.


The i'm Talkathon continues, and my character Parker uploaded a new video today on YouTube. It looks like this--



Nobody had rated the video yet, so I took it upon myself to give it 5 stars.

I really need to brush my teeth.

ON THIS GREAT DAY, JANUARY 27, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES NEW YORK BECAUSE THERE'S BRIDGES AND WATERS AND STUFF AND BUILDINGS AND YOU GET TO STAY AT YOUR LIBRA FRIEND'S LOFT AND HAVE A NICE DINNER WITH HIM, COMPLETE WITH LUSCIOUS DESSERTS AND WALKS BY THE WATER AND THE I'M TALKATHON CONTINUES AND YOU'RE GOING TO CREATE A NEW THING CALLED A "TALKA THONG" WHERE YOU TALK TO THONGS ALL DAY AND IT WILL RULE.

The Dotman followed me to New York as well and he lured my poor Libra Friend into one of his videos.



The i'm Talkathon


Chris Dotson

Dotman's Jokes

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Mini Golf

Today, Libra Girlfriend and I played mini golf.

I get really excited whenever I play mini golf.



One of the holes also featured a house.



Oddly enough, Girlfriend hit her ball into the house and it never came out (And it wasn't even the 18th hole!) So, since her ball never came out, from that hole on, she and I shared a ball.

Neither of us got a hole-in-one, but there were several hole-in-twos.

And we also got ICEEs.



Oh, and we tried to go to their batting cage as well, but we couldn't because we didn't have close-toed shoes.

But we DID get ICEEs!!!




ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 24, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES MINI GOLF BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU REALLY EXCITED AND LIBRA GIRLFRIEND LOSES HER GOLF BALL IN A HOUSE BUT YOU GET ICEES AND YOU COULDN'T USE THE BATTING CAGES BUT YOU GOT ICEES.

In other news, those webisodes I did for Microsoft launched today. You can view the first one here--

i'm Talkathon



There's one webisode on there now and I reckon they're going to post the other 14 we shot over the next 30 days, so check back there from time to time if you want to see more.

And in more other news, The Dotman of course has a new joke of the day and I'm sure he's once again talking about his father's perverted sex life.



Chris Dotson

Dotman's Jokes

Monday, June 23, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Mondays

Things are finally settling down a bit for the Dot. We wrapped the funny kung fu comedy movie yesterday. It was a lot of fun and should be hilarious. I will post a link for that sucker when it's on the worldwide web.

Last night Libra Girlfriend and I saw "You Don't Screw with the Sandman," starring Adam Samberg and Rick Swardson.



Both Girlfriend and I were in need of some mindless entertainment following a busy week for both of us, not to mention that it was HOT AS BALLS the past few days in L.A.

And do you have ANY IDEA how HOT balls are? They're pretty 'EFFIN HOT and that's why you need to keep them in the air!!!!

Soon girlfriend and I will take her car to get it washed. Later we will drop in on my Sagittarian friend who is going to make us all a quiche. Or a few quiches. I'm not sure how all this works.

ALSO!!!

It's never to early to make your daughter think she's a sweaty whore!!!!!




ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 23, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES MONDAYS BECAUSE IT MEANS THAT YOU JUST FINISHED SHOOTING A KUNG FU COMEDY MOVIE AND NOW LIFE SLOWS DOWN FOR YOU A BIT AND YOU GET TO SCREW WITH THE SANDMAN AND YOU GET TO TAKE LIBRA GIRLFRIEND'S CAR TO THE WASH AND YOUR FRIENDS WILL MAKE YOU QUICHE AND YOUR DAUGHTER IS A WHORE.


Today's Dotman Joke actually features TWO jokes. So that means you have twice as many opportunities to not laugh.




Chris Dotson

Dotman's Jokes

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Dotson Salutes - The Word "Frinkin"

I continue to find myself in the midst of business. Today I was up at 7:15 am.

7:15 AM!!!!

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WAKES UP AT 7:15 AM??????

Anyway, I rolled out of bed in the middle of the night and made it to the set of the kung fu comedy movie I've been acting in the past couple of days. Today we shot a few scenes at Libra Girlfriend's place. I like hanging out there anyway because one of her roommates has a lot of interesting books.

The shoot went well! We even got free Subway® for lunch!!!

Before I forget, two weeks ago Girlfriend and I saw this seedy-looking van in a parking lot and someone had scrawled this message on the van---


AWESOME!!


Somebody definitely DID NOT want that van hanging out there any longer. And sometimes when people get angry at vans, they use the word "Frinkin," because that is sometimes the only word that can truly describe how it feels to get mad at a van.

AL FRINKIN!!!



ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 18, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES THE WORD "FRINKIN" FOR BEING A WORD THAT BEST DESCRIBES ONE'S ANIMOSITY TOWARDS A VAN THAT IS PARKED SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU DON'T WANT IT TO BE PARKED AND YOU DON'T WANT IT SIMPLY TO BE "MOVED," YOU WANT IT TO BE "MOVED AWAY!!!"


Did you catch Dotman's Angelina Jolie impression yesterday?

Me either!!!!

Here's another lame video from the man they call "Dot."




Chris Dotson

Dotman's Jokes

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Heavy Effin' Metal

Last night!!!!

Libra Girlfriend and I and her Pisces friend and her Pisces friend's Leo brother and ME went to see a band called "Steel Panther" and they were tight!!



They played songs by Van Halens and Poisons and Motley Crues and Bon Jovis and even did a Journeys song!

And in between songs they talked and did fun stuff like bringing 14-year-old girls on stage (Or maybe they were in 6th grade) and encouraging the girls to show the audience their breasts!!!

Some of the girls who came on stage throughout the night even appeared to be legal! And those girls all had fake breasts, but breasts are breasts, so when women show them to you in a public place, you look at them, but you know that the 14-year-old-girl was the one with the real ones and she wasn't Mexican, even though the lead singer kept calling her Mexican.

But the lead singer also said "cock" and "vagina" a lot.

IN ADDITION!!!

Prior to the Panther Band, there was another band called "Ghost in the Flesh" and that band had a bass player who apparently very much enjoyed his job because he was right in the center of the stage and was very expressive!



I looked him up and his name is Mikey Atilano. And if I had to guess, I would have to say that he is either an Aries or a Gemini or a Scorpio. Or perhaps a Cancer. I could even see him being an Aquarius, but I doubt it.

At any rate, here is a video of Mikey Atilano doing his thing and being awesome and obviously liking his job.



ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 17, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES HEAVY EFFIN' METAL BECAUSE YOU GET TO SEE A BAND CALLED STEEL PANTHER AND THE LEAD SINGER SAYS "COCK" AND "VAGINA" A LOT AND HE GETS CHICKS TO SHOW THEIR BREASTS AND ONE OF THEM WAS EVEN REAL AND THE BASS PLAYER FROM GHOST IN THE FLESH IS SOMEONE I AM STRONGLY CONSIDERING GOING AS FOR HALLOWEEN OR MAYBE I'LL DRESS UP LIKE HIM EVEN IF IT ISN'T HALLOWEEN BECAUSE IT'S ALWAYS THE PERFECT OCCASION TO DRESS UP LIKE A BASS PLAYER.

Today Dotman tries his hand at doing an impression of actress Angelina Jolie and fails miserably.



Chris Dotson

Dotman's Worthless Jokes

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Jayne Mansfield

Libra Girlfriend has been told by two different psychics that she was Jayne Mansfield in a previous life.



So today she decided she wanted to take a look at her old stomping grounds at 10100 Sunset Boulevard.

That's where Libra Girlfriend lived when she was Jayne Mansfield. The house was known as "The Pink Palace," and had this heart-shaped pool.



(The Band Nirvana would later write a song based on the heart-shaped pool, but they had to change the name of the song to "Heart Shaped Box" to avoid a lawsuit. Rumor has it that the reason Kurt Cobain was so tortured and depressed throughout his life is because he was never invited to swim in the heart-shaped pool.)



At any rate, the house is no longer there. The land and trees are still there, so that's pretty cool. But no house. It was torn down in 2002. All that's there now is a "Beware of Dog" sign.

Libra Girlfriend was sad that her house is no longer there. Fortunately, though, we were very close to this awesome ice cream and cookies store I'd heard about, so we went to it and got ice cream and cookies!



ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 15, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES JAYNE MANSFIELD FOR HAVING LIVED AT 10100 SUNSET BOULEVARD, FOR HAVING A HEART-SHAPED POOL THAT WAS A MAJOR INFLUENCE ON THE CAREER OF KURT COBAIN, AND FOR BEING LIBRA GIRLFRIEND IN THIS LIFETIME.


Oh, yeah. This is that outfit I wore yesterday---



Now I'm going to read the book "Are You Really Too Sensitive?"

Chris Dotson

The Wonderful World of Dotman

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Entertaining black people in Venice Beach.

Just got home from EVEN MORE martial arts training. Totally fried. Now looks like me and Libra Girlfriend are going to walk to a Cuban Restaurant. And if we can't get in there, we're going to the Japanese joint next door. The Japanese joint is always SO QUIET. It's like eating in an effin' library.

EARLIER! In the day! As part of this martial arts/kung fu comedy I'm acting in, we went out to Venice Beach and me and the other actor were doing our "training scene," so they had us wear silly shirts and SUPER SHORT SHORTS and headbands and silly socks and you get the idea.

So we strectched and did silly stuff at the beach while people looked at us and laughed. At one point, me and the other actor were doing jumping jacks and push-ups right by Muscle Beach (Yes, THE Muscle Beach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and this family of African Americans started cracking up big time, and one of the black people, named Jason, came up to me and the actor and asked to have his picture taken with us. And we were all like, "Sure, Jason! Come have your picture taken with us!"

Jason was happy.

Then some dude came over and told us we had to stop filming.

ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 14, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES ENTERTAINING BLACK PEOPLE IN VENICE BEACH BECAUSE BLACK PEOPLE LOVE IT WHEN SCRAWNY WHITE DUDES IN SILLY WORKOUT GARB DO PUSH-UPS AND JUMPING JACKS IN PUBLIC AND IF THERE IS A PERSON IN THEIR GROUP NAMED "JASON," HE WILL ASK TO HAVE HIS PICTURE TAKEN WITH YOU.

I would have posted pictures from today's festivities, but I'm at Girlfriend's and don't have access to the pics. I might post them in a future blog.

Cuban Food, here we come!!!! Get ready, you motherfucking Cuban Food! We're gonna eat the shit out of you!! FUCK YOU!!!!

I'm tired and Girlfriend keeps setting jewelry on my knee and wants me to look at it.

I'm not spell checking this thing.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Being "Still Busy as Ass."

I am still busy as ass.

This weekend and next week I am acting in a series of webisodes and I need to learn martial arts for the role or at least know enough martial arts stuff so it will look like I know what I'm doing.

So I'm doing that.

ALSO!

A couple nights ago, Libra Girlfriend and I did a "past life progression." I think that's what it was called. Girlfriend is an intuitive/psychic, so what happened is that I lied down on my bed and Girlfriend helped me go deep into my psyche and get in touch with my past lives.

Turns out in one past life I might have been George Bernard Shaw.



I think he was a glassblower or something.



ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 13, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES BEING "STILL BUSY AS ASS" BECAUSE YOU GET TO LEARN A LOT OF MARTIAL ARTS STUFF IN A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME AND YOU DO PAST LIFE PROGRESSIONS WITH LIBRA GIRLFRIEND AND YOU WERE GEORGE BERNARD SHAW AND HE WAS MAYBE A GLASSBLOWER.

Today's Dotman Joke is about how he thinks he looks like James Dean.

Whatever, Dotman.




Chris Dotson

Dotman's Jokes

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Roberto Reiner

Libra Girlfriend took the day off from work and she and I went to a museum and as we were looking at some Andrew Warhol jive, I saw a dude coming my way and it was none other than Roberto Reiner!



It was awesome! That was worth the $12 admission to the museum right there!

PLUS, it was only another $7 for parking!!!!!!

Only $12 + $7 = ONLY $19 TO SEE ROBERTO REINER!!!!


I love L.A.!!



ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 12, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES ROBERTO REINER FOR BEING AT THE MUSEUM THE SAME TIME AS DOTSON AND LIBRA GIRLFRIEND AND FOR ONLY COSTING $19 TO SEE HIM.


Today's Dotman joke is about the word "staunch."




Chris Dotson

Dotson's Jokes

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Dotson Salutes - Sore Hamstrings

Yesterday I went to my yoga class for the first time since meeting Libra Girlfriend.

DANG! That was like FIVE WEEKS ago!!!

Anyway, sometimes when I don't do yoga for a while, my first time back I tend to work the poses a little too deeply and then the next day my hamstrings get sore.

They get sore SO EASILY it seems!

SO EASILY!!!

So here I am today with a slight hobble because of the soreness from the hamstrings that occurred during the yoga poses working of too deep.

Want to see what sore hamstrings look like??


OUCH!!!


Also!!

Want an even closer look at the sore hamstrings? (******And be warned, the next picture might be too gruesome for some readers.*********)

Here it is---



YUCK! It's like watching The Surgery Channel® or something!

Get those sick, vile, disgusting hamstring pictures out of my face and make me a single serving of peach sherbet!



ON THIS GREAT DAY, JUNE 11, 2008, DOTSON SALUTES SORE HAMSTRINGS BECAUSE YOU GET THEM FROM WORKING YOUR YOGA POSES TOO DEEPLY AFTER NOT GOING TO YOGA CLASS IN 5 WEEKS BECAUSE YOU'D RATHER HANG OUT WITH LIBRA GIRLFRIEND AND THEN YOU TAKE GNARLY PICTURES OF THE SORE HAMSTRINGS BUT THE TRUTH MUST BE KNOWN SO YOU DO IT AND PEACH SHERBET IS SO GOOD I COULD FART AND PROBABLY WILL.

Today's Dotman Joke is about former NBA player Earvin "Magic" Johnson. Don't watch it.





Chris Dotson

Dotman's Jokes